By: Clinton Myers
Written July 19, 2008
I must devalue what I think I am, for that I am not what I think I am, but of a truth only flesh and bones, ligaments and tissue, sinew of an unperfected work.
But yet I do feel, and think I am what I am!
“Alas, such a character you are predisposed to be!”
That I am! For I am a unique creation, fashioned by greater powers!
“Do you so enjoy life?
Ah, life is sometimes good, mostly pity and distress. But that is of no matter, I have my wife. For even now she must await my return at the doorstep of our shed. And I say, after this labor is done, this sweeping of the isles, I shall go home to my love! Such a night of pleasure we will have. My hunger will be filled, and all the troubles washed away!
“But how void, such a stygian pit love is!”
Not so. Many a wondrous night my love and I have weaved together. And once again tonight! It rings my heart with joy!
“Do you not at once ponder at your actions?”
Ah yes, ponder on the fulfillment of it all! Now my soul aches, is empty, but soon I shall be whole once more! I need to cause my body to rejoice!
“Yes. You need to cause your body to rejoice, but you need not her!”
What? Offence is easily taken! Of no doubt I meant her, and her only! I must submit to the natural laws and pleasures of life! I must entangle with another fleshly body! The joy we will share!
“Christian you are?”
Such a deviation, but Yes, and how wonderful God’s grace and salvation is!
“But yet you think not at once on your actions.”
I told you how I do! The pleasure is considered.
“Embellishment! Allow me to remove the scales of lies from your eyes and reveal to you the truth of the matter. You think not on the life you form, you think not on the pain and suffering and confusion that you will cause this creature to who will soon be fashioned deep within that female’s vile bowels – you wish only to blindly fulfill your desire, not for the child’s sake, but to satisfy your senseless urges! And How then is this not the greatest sin, the greatest shame, to bring into this destitute world a lost soul that, under the most highest probability, will live through a life of inescapable pain and turmoil? And you yourself, after admitting to life’s harshness, will freely and uncaringly go yet again into your mate, chancing the creation from your combined sick substances a creature of your own species? So then how can it further be wrong, if this life, created and fashioned out of his will by you and your wife’s mere sexual and self-conceited urges, urges you mindlessly follow to satisfy your devilish lust, and not for you partner even, but only to experience the faux pleasure of sex yourself, decides it fit to end his or her own life?”
Please stop now! Enough of such foolish notions!
“Angry you have become, for the truth it is I speak. But allow me to go further, allow me to inform you that by which the feelings and wispy emotions you now experience is nothing greater than some cleverly devised (and how by chance does it work!) chemical: Nothing more than an animal you are my child, unless you fancy animals as some sort of eternal being too. No, I say a better exemplar. You are no more, and yes! perhaps less than and inanimate object.”
What a Lie that is! See how I think and feel! Watch, and I will show you my minds creations!
“There is no need to observe! Done before it has all been by those like yourself; fools and self-conceited individuals, thus humanity, who think creativity is some honest creation of their own will, for all an interconnection of pathways in that grey matter it is, only but randomized activity. You must not mistake these sudden impulses from your brain for some sort of sign that heralds your purpose, for purpose you have none.”
I will do the best I can to restrain my anger, for I am a church member. And you say I have no purpose! Why, I have such an important role, yes indeed, one vital to God’s plan – I bring the lost to salvation.
“And you deceive yourself! By what purpose do you these things? Maybe you hold the belief in a loving God? Nay my friend, allow me to dismiss from your poisoned being such a foolish notion.”
I have been taught it my whole life….there is nothing else to cling onto. But I have been taught, and thus know, yes, how I strongly believe! in a loving God above, the one who gave me life, the one who gave me my wife.
“And so you deceive yourself further! How would you presume that God set into action and motion the fall and damnation of all creation? Why? Think of the concept, explore the deeper meanings and you will discover its fallacy, or hate, whichever on your mind comes to rest.
Listen! And I will tell you the truth. If God, who you so humbly insist is indeed loving, did in fact fashion this world from his own hand, then how can you maintain your mindset, when, as you believe, he set in motion and cause of everything that makes us but a damned race?
But I know what you will say, as I’ve heard it countless times before. You will surely say ‘But God’s fault it was not, on man and Satan the blame must be placed.’ Ahh, but adhere to my words. Did not God himself create Satan? And did not he also form temptation in the vice of a tree? And, furthermore, as your belief holds it, is not God the keeper of eternal knowledge of all things Past, and all things Future? And even in your Holy book it says, and how craftily it does say it, that all was planned before naught existed! If this is in truth the case, which you strongly believe is so, than you must come to a conclusion. If God knew the future, and the countless souls to be sent for an eternity in hell, which he did create, then surely must he not be loving! In fact, this must be a very grim and hate-filled creator, one of no mercy or care, one who wrote the predestined creation with an angry hand. Or, else you refuse to believe this, you must come to believe in his limited knowledge of future events. Only then, oblivious and guiltless he would have been. You must choose one or the other! Else you choose a logical fallacy! Either way proves the text you cradle in your palms a lie. But mayhaps you want to believe a lie and be damned!”
Those are good points indeed. But God’s ways are not our ways, his thought’s not our own. And besides, he sent his own Son for our salvation, he died even, and arose from the earth on the third glorious day!
“Deceit it all is! Think deeper, to the core logic of the matter friend. Does not God say, in that book, that it is not his will for any to perish and go to hell? But yet think, he is the one who created the fall, the creator and originator of sin. So, is it not even a lie? He says he wishes none to hell go, but he is the very one who opened the pathways to it! And concerning his Son, may I ask, he provided Redemption from whom? His own self? For was not God the cause of the very thing he despises? Could he not have also saved his own Son such torture, or was he powerless?”
Hmm, true that is, I have never before considered strongly.
“But this matter is beginning to feel blasphemous, and you shouldn’t speak of it anymore.”
But should I stop? It is blasphemous from what? Is not God blasphemous to his own name?
“No, that is not the case, you felt his salvation!”
And I did accept, then, even after all he has done with humanity! But still, why accept an answer to such a faulty plan?
“It doesn’t make sense, yet you know he is real.”
I feel that he is real. That tells me nothing more than that my mind is fashioning chemicals. Much like those released to love?
“No, no you know he is real!”
“Yes, you think.”
I know the truth now. It is within, somewhere, not hidden in something else. Search is required for this task, search for the meaning. For yet, may I ask, is there even one?